My Hero Romance: Chapter Twenty
{| Chapter Twenty Dear Mom, Toshinori is a sweetheart with his heart being in the right place, I just don't think he's worrying about himself as much as he should. I understand his purpose as a hero is to protect others, but he's just a man and I think he needs a reminder that he needs to take care of himself or else he'll wither away. The poor man could easily be blown away as it is. He cares about me an awful lot and it's sweet, but Christmas is coming up and I know you won't be able to fly here this year and I can't go over there either. It'll be my first Christmas without you, Mom. I'm frankly kinda scared. I don't think Toshinori celebrates Christmas, regardless of how Japan celebrates it. Maybe I won't do anything this year, I don't know. I just want to have someone here with me. I mean, I know it's a few months off but still. I like to plan ahead. Maybe I could make a reservation at a cool restaurant or something! I know it's bad to say, but I miss dad. I feel so empty without him and as much as I hate it, it wasn't his fault for what he did, we both know that. He used to be such a nice dad until I started growing up, talking about my dreams of becoming a hero. It's my fault that he's the way he is today, really. But if I had never been a hero, I never would have met Toshinori and I never would have decided that he needs me as much as I need him. I want him to feel appreciated as he is now like you do for me, except I'm not at all sure how to do that. He's so stubborn and so much like me in a way. I just wish I knew what to do to make him feel needed and loved despite the way he looks. Toshinori is a strange man. He makes me feel like a teddy bear when he's standing besides me. It's funny really. He could lift me up and hold me like a teddy bear, too! I feel so tiny compared to him, but the best things come in small packages asides from Toshi who's just too great to be small. I'm trying to work on motivating him and making him feel good about himself by giving him a whole bunch of compliments! Nothing makes a man feel good than telling him he's adorable, right? I don't know...my last relationship didn't end well so I'm a bit in the dark. Dad loved you at one point, right? I mean he'd have to...right? I don't know, Mom. I'm scared to be wrong about all of this. What if I only end up hurting him more? That's the last thing I'd ever want to do. He's too sweet to be hurt by a mistake like me. Every part of me tells me I should hold him and tell him how much I love him, but Mom, he hasn't returned my feelings and I don't want to pester him with mine. I think I should give up. Not on him though, I'd still help him, but as a friend. I don't know. I...I don't think I've ever fallen in love this quick and this hard. It's like I stood upon a high pedestal and I was knocked clean off when I met him. Goddammit! Why do I feel so useless? I just want to give him all that I have to offer and more, even if it means leaving nothing for myself. He deserves it. Battling insecurities is one hell of a fight that can go on forever and it never gets easy, it only gets harder. He insists on helping me, you know. Says his problems aren't as bad as mine, that they are nothing compared to mine. I want to teach him that I went through the same things and that I had that same thinking which lead me here. I don't want him to take medication every morning for depression! I want him to learn how to think about more than just self-hatred and insecurities. I want him to be his own hero, without the smile, without the false idea that you need to be rescuing someone from death to be a hero. He'll learn that getting over insecurities will make him a hero in his own right. I can't give him what you gave me, but I know I can make him happy. I can make him value himself. I'll do it and I'll make him a true hero. A hero doesn't save others, a hero saves themselves from becoming lost in the idea that he should smile despite the pain and fear. It's okay to be afraid. It's okay to be unable to help. You can't prevent every attack or every little villain from causing a disruption. Thinking you can will only wear you down. I witnessed it myself when I saw Toshinori during the attack. He tried so hard to protect the students even if it could've cost him his life. At first, I aspired to be him, but now, I want him to relax a little, to not force himself past his limit even if it would mean destruction. No one life is worth another life. I did the same thing, but I did it with the full idea of what Dad was capable of doing to me and the students. This letter's getting a little long, but I'll write again to you soon. For now I have to get back to watching the sports festival. I hope I can help him. I love you, Mom. ''- Katsuko Sato''